


Haikyuu Confessions: All My Heart

by jheyr



Series: Haikyuu Confessions [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Friendship, Gay Male Character, KageHina - Freeform, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-13
Updated: 2016-10-13
Packaged: 2018-08-22 04:20:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8272618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jheyr/pseuds/jheyr
Summary: HAIKYUU CONFESSIONSA confession page for all characters in Haikyuu.A series of letters from anonymous senders. "As dramatic as this was, I did love you with all my heart. I loved every part of you. I loved everything you were and everything you were not. And I wanted you more than I think I wanted anyone." AU. Possible gender-bender. Random.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Haikyuu!!

**A letter from that gay guy who loved a guy**

 

I saw you at your worst but I still thought you were the best, Milk King. Three years, a long period of time, right? I know that a lot happened. Who would've thought that you'd get the biggest piece of my heart. Up until now, I keep on wondering how it happened, how me and you exactly happened. We never planned everything to be as it is today but it did.

Going back to the day when we first met, it was as if you had a cloak and a crown atop of your head. You were that majestic and mysterious. Your skills overwhelmed me but at the same time it made me admire you. Above all, I aspire to be better person so I can stand on the same court as you someday. Until we became teammates. You were that type of guy who had pride as high as Burj Khalifa but you were mysterious so I grew curious and interested to know what it's like inside your world. We started to talk and I was really happy when you said that, _"As long as I'm here, you're invincible!"_ We were teammates but we were also each other's rival.

Day by day, I knew you better. It even came to a point where you would share to me about your personal life. Slowly but surely, we became so close to each other that you became my everything. I thought that the greatest love of my life would volleyball but you proved me wrong. _It's you._ We would practice volleyball together (the thing that brought me to you), race together, study together with Star Clips, and we get better together. I can still remember the smiles we had back then --- no worries, no doubts, carefree, pure and no heartaches. Why is life so cruel and unfair that it could turn around things so easily in a blink of an eye?

It was during our Third Year in highschool that I prepared a birthday surprise for you. I saved a lot of money and resisted temptations to hang out with our senpais. I put a lot of effort in that birthday surprise. I even asked the help of Star Clips for it. I wanted to make you feel special on the day you were born. But you see? It was very ironic. Instead of you getting surprised by what I prepared for you, it was me who was surprised because of your reaction --- scratch that, you had _no reaction_ at all. I expected a tsundere like reaction from you where you blush and say that I do not have to do all this things for you. But guess what? Rejection was all over the place that time. It was as if a thousand knives stabbed my heart. Your silence stabbed my heart. All my efforts of surprising you went to waste but I stayed.

I started questioning if I was not enough or am I just a convenient go-to person for you. I know that the latter is impossible because we are almost glued to the hip all of our highschool years. We knew we had issues that slowly made us drift apart. Volleyball is the only thing that kept us together. I know that you already know about what I felt for you despite me not confessing directly. But all of my efforts, time, and attention I gave to you were not obvious? You had a girlfriend once but the two of you broke up because you did not gave enough time to her for you were focused in volleyball.

I admit that there was never a day that I did not thought about you and your ex-girlfriend. You see, I envied her. You were focused in volleyball but you had time for her. I know for sure that you loved her --- really, really, really loved her. She did not know how lucky she was to have you but how come she could let you go that easily? How come she did not understand that both her and volleyball is important to you? You were devastated and I was there for you. I stayed with you. I listened to all your pain. I saw you become a mess. You almost reverted back to being a king but I realized that I kept you sane so I stayed.

I accepted all the pain and negativity because I know that everything I had and experienced with you was worth it --- you were worth it. Romantically, I never had the assurance I knew I deserved from you but still, I stayed. I never gave up on you. To me you are more than just a partner but you are so much more. You made me achieve my dream, you were that partner I could ever ask for, you were that person who made every day so much more meaningful, you were the person who made me look forward to tomorrow. You lifted me so high in a way no one could but you dropped me in an instant. You made me think that I was the luckiest person to ever know you but you left me in a second.

I think that you are a coward when it comes to love. You would love me if I am a girl but just because I am a guy, you wouldn't love me the same. You were afraid of the criticisms you will get, the judgement of people, and you were afraid of the people disowning you. You did not think that if people were mature enough, they would accept you for who you are and for what makes you happy. And if you were mature enough, you would not listen to whatever this messy society would say but you would only listen to your heart. The pain is unbearable but you know what is more stupid? It is that whatever happens, I would always come back to you. Stupid, right? That's what I am. I am stupid. I get that a lot.

Just a month before our graduation, we had a fight. It was our biggest fight in all the years we were together. I ended up shouting how I felt for you, how I kept all of my feelings inside, how I love you very much, how hurt I am, and most important, how angry I am at you for taking me for granted and ignoring my feelings even though you knew. You walked away and in front of my eyes, I saw how you collided with the car in the road. I could not move. The driver was kind enough to help. I am indeed mad at you but I lowered my pride and held your hand all the time during our ride to the hospital.

I am unsure of what to do when I am staring at you lying on the hospital bed. I wanted to leave since I am mad at you but all of my memories with you flashed in my eyes --- all those volleyball matches, all our volleyball practices, all of our training camps, all of our small talks, all of our study sessions, all of our races, all of our smiles, all the things that made me happy. And that moment, I knew that I would never leave you until I am sure that you're okay.

I never knew I could pour out my heart to someone this much since I did not care much about the matters of the heart before but that was until I met you. You never gave me that chance to show you the possibilities of _us._ Only if you allowed me, I could show you how you are supposed to be treated. You are stubborn, grumpy, and have a scary face but you know, I love you for that.

Despite all the drama, I am glad I met someone like you or simply, you. You made me a better person. You showed me what I was capable of. I learned to have more patience. To be honest, this is the first time I made so much effort towards a person even when I know that despite me giving you everything, I will get nothing. This is the first time that I fought for someone. I chose you even if the world is against us, even you are against  _us._

Our story was a great adventure. We had our ups and downs. The night I decided to let you go was a hard thing to do. Deep inside, I know that I will never love someone the way I loved you. I will always remember you, Milk King. I never forget people who made such a great impact in my life, after all. You know, Milk King, you will never find a free-spirited, idiot ball of sunshine like me who would love you at your worst.

You remind me of what love really is and that's something. In this generation, love is a dying feeling. Some don't even know what it really is but I do. You are love, Milk King. I'm the luckiest of all gays to have you in my life. Thank you for believing in me when I couldn't believe in myself --- I could be so much more than I was yesterday.

Even if saying goodbye takes up all my courage, I have to say it because it's the best thing to do. I know it will never be a goodbye but only a see you soon, Milk King.

As dramatic as this was, I did love you with all my heart. I loved every part of you. I loved everything you were and everything you were not. And I wanted you more than I think I wanted anyone.

See you soon, Milk King. I hope that one day, we can look at each other in the eye without regrets, sadness, pain --- only happiness. Thank you for everything.

_We were great._

  
**Idiotic ball of sunshine**


End file.
